i'm totally tired of huge guys in huge trucks. you know who i'm talking about. every week when i go out fishing i have to deal with this menace. big 4-wheel drive aggro-type atv hauling, logging, landscaping construction-worker, dog not tied up in the back of the pick-up, spitting and throwing garbage and cigs out of the window... they are everywhere and i am tired of their intimidating and dangerous driving.
my friend said, "well, you're a guy in a truck". and i'm saying my intimidation factor is compared to an ant versus your shoe.
yesterday, i went out to the salmonberry river, off of highway 26 to walk some trails, do some fishing, have a picnic., enjoy the sun. the first culprit barreling down on me happened to be a huge silverado pick-up with two all-terrain motorcycles in the back. he followed me on 26 and it seemed to be a fun little game to this guy until he became irate when my little old truck (named jerry) couldn't get up the hill fast enough for him. he was so close it would have been better for him to push jerry, seeing as how he had an enormous grill and winch in the front of his truck for no apparent reason. i pulled aside at a turn-off hoping he would just pass me niceley, but no, he had to totally swerve over towards my bumper to show me who was boss.
i also was assaulted by logging trucks. have you ever been in front of one of these things? its like they try and chase you down. i was on a beautiful road near the town of timber, when all of a sudden the forest opened up to fields of scarred stumps and this logging truck pulled out and started chasing me down. i was white knuckled on jerry's steering wheel around these crazy switchbacks with no room to breathe.
i'm just saying. i'm not even afraid of the animals in the woods. i'm afraid of the people in the woods.
wish i could post a more positive story today, but then again, i wish i have had more positive interactions with folks in the woods lately.
please follow my buddy's blog, as he posts more than me and has really great insight about life and roots and family... http://www.ramblesofbillyray.blogspot.com/
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
bird sketch book and tyrone
its been awhile since i've written, but i figure school is a good excuse. i'm taking a couple of great classes, including a bird class and a drawing class. my idea is to combine my love of being out in nature, with drawing and identifying what i see. i'm also trying to get better at recognizing the species specifically living in the pacific northwest. this definetly helps me connect more with my surroundings and gets me outside, even on an academic level. i have to start a formal sketchbook, although my current one fills up weekly. i am dedicating this new one to the birds.
speaking of dedicating...i am also dedicating this blog to tyrone. he was our funny sweet rascally hamster. he recently passed away from a hamster-related sickness and i miss him. it is quiet in the house without his curious and ambitious spirit. he would build nests a foot high. he really made it an artform. he was extra snuggly and would ride around in my partner's hoodie just for fun, seeing the world of our tiny apartment and taking naps. he was modest about his cardio routine, which included night-time, hour-long runs on his hamster wheel. we shared many laughs. one of my favorite things about him were his tiny hands. we had a similar diet, and i recall eating broccoli with him one afternoon, his hands holding the florets and me holding mine, crunching away. we were also similar in our appetites. always shoving down food and hiding it away for later. his fur was extra soft and his eyes dark and wise. i hope he has joined many of my other pet friends wherever our spirits end up together, surrounded by the forest and a soft ground of pine needles.
currently reading Birds! From the Inside Out, by Dan Gleason and John Muir's Wild America, by Tom Melham and Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards.
speaking of dedicating...i am also dedicating this blog to tyrone. he was our funny sweet rascally hamster. he recently passed away from a hamster-related sickness and i miss him. it is quiet in the house without his curious and ambitious spirit. he would build nests a foot high. he really made it an artform. he was extra snuggly and would ride around in my partner's hoodie just for fun, seeing the world of our tiny apartment and taking naps. he was modest about his cardio routine, which included night-time, hour-long runs on his hamster wheel. we shared many laughs. one of my favorite things about him were his tiny hands. we had a similar diet, and i recall eating broccoli with him one afternoon, his hands holding the florets and me holding mine, crunching away. we were also similar in our appetites. always shoving down food and hiding it away for later. his fur was extra soft and his eyes dark and wise. i hope he has joined many of my other pet friends wherever our spirits end up together, surrounded by the forest and a soft ground of pine needles.
currently reading Birds! From the Inside Out, by Dan Gleason and John Muir's Wild America, by Tom Melham and Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Then a mason came forth and said, Speak to us of Houses.
I've come across the following passage at an interesting time. My partner and I are moving into a new apartment. We are very excited to have some space to create art, have a shop and be close to friends. I'm excited to make these changes and that we have struck a chord with our priorites. Anyway, I take the following passage into account in regards to our "home" and our expectations. I look forward to opening up more and expanding how I view my "home" and the work I put into. I will have a great nest to land in, but I mustn't use it as a barrier to the world. I know I have to stretch myself in the coming year to experience more...be outside, travel, make amends, learn and renew my sense of self and confidence. We have to keep in mind that material things will not ultimately give us the comfort we're looking for, but that we can find it in our soul and create it for each other.
"Then a mason came forth and said, Speak to us of Houses. And he answered and said: Build of your imaginings a bower in the wilderness ere youbuild a house within the city walls. For even as you have home-comings in your twilight, so hasthe wanderer in you, the ever distant and alone. Your house is your larger body. It grows in the sun and sleeps in the stillness of the night; andit is not dreamless. Does not your house dream? and dreaming,leave the city for grove or hill-top? Would that I could gather your houses into my hand, and like asower scatter them in forest and meadow. Would the valleys were your streets, and the green paths youralleys, that you might seek one another through vineyards, andcome with the fragrance of the earth in your garments. But these things are not yet to be. In their fear your forefathers gathered you too near together. Andthat fear shall last a little longer. A little longer shall your city wallsseperate your hearths from your fields. And tell me, people of Orphalese, what have you in these houses?And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span thesummits of the mind? Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned ofwood and stone to the holy mountain? Tell me, have you these in your houses? Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthything that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, andthen a master? Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makespuppets of your larger desires. Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron. It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at thedignity of the flesh. It makes mock of your sound senses, and lays them in thistledownlike fragile vessels. Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and thenwalks grinning in the funeral. But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not betrapped nor tamed. Your house shall not be an anchor but a mast. It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelidthat guards the eye. You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, norbend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear tobreathe lest walls should crack and fall down. You shall not dwell in tombs made by the dead for the living. And though of magnificence and splendour, your house shall nothold your secret nor shelter your longing. For that which is boundless in you abides in the mansion of the sky,whose door is the morning mist, and whose windows are the songsand the silences of night."- from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
I'm not religious, but I really liked the sentiment and more or less warning of this passage. This week I have been reading a couple of great books...Pacific Lady, by Sharon Site Adams (first woman to sail solo across the Pacific Ocean) and A Time of Gifts, by Patrick Leigh Fermor.
"Then a mason came forth and said, Speak to us of Houses. And he answered and said: Build of your imaginings a bower in the wilderness ere youbuild a house within the city walls. For even as you have home-comings in your twilight, so hasthe wanderer in you, the ever distant and alone. Your house is your larger body. It grows in the sun and sleeps in the stillness of the night; andit is not dreamless. Does not your house dream? and dreaming,leave the city for grove or hill-top? Would that I could gather your houses into my hand, and like asower scatter them in forest and meadow. Would the valleys were your streets, and the green paths youralleys, that you might seek one another through vineyards, andcome with the fragrance of the earth in your garments. But these things are not yet to be. In their fear your forefathers gathered you too near together. Andthat fear shall last a little longer. A little longer shall your city wallsseperate your hearths from your fields. And tell me, people of Orphalese, what have you in these houses?And what is it you guard with fastened doors? Have you peace, the quiet urge that reveals your power? Have you remembrances, the glimmering arches that span thesummits of the mind? Have you beauty, that leads the heart from things fashioned ofwood and stone to the holy mountain? Tell me, have you these in your houses? Or have you only comfort, and the lust for comfort, that stealthything that enters the house a guest, and then becomes a host, andthen a master? Ay, and it becomes a tamer, and with hook and scourge makespuppets of your larger desires. Though its hands are silken, its heart is of iron. It lulls you to sleep only to stand by your bed and jeer at thedignity of the flesh. It makes mock of your sound senses, and lays them in thistledownlike fragile vessels. Verily the lust for comfort murders the passion of the soul, and thenwalks grinning in the funeral. But you, children of space, you restless in rest, you shall not betrapped nor tamed. Your house shall not be an anchor but a mast. It shall not be a glistening film that covers a wound, but an eyelidthat guards the eye. You shall not fold your wings that you may pass through doors, norbend your heads that they strike not against a ceiling, nor fear tobreathe lest walls should crack and fall down. You shall not dwell in tombs made by the dead for the living. And though of magnificence and splendour, your house shall nothold your secret nor shelter your longing. For that which is boundless in you abides in the mansion of the sky,whose door is the morning mist, and whose windows are the songsand the silences of night."- from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran
I'm not religious, but I really liked the sentiment and more or less warning of this passage. This week I have been reading a couple of great books...Pacific Lady, by Sharon Site Adams (first woman to sail solo across the Pacific Ocean) and A Time of Gifts, by Patrick Leigh Fermor.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
goals in the bag
as promised, here are a few goals that i am proud of accomplishing in the past few years...not without the help of my supportive partner, dedicated friends and ever-growing and changing family! in no particular order...
- working less! i've acquired a job that has flexible hours, in the sense that i can choose to add more to my plate when i am feeling up to it, also, only working 28 hours a week still gets me my health insurance etc., and i can spend more time with my partner and friends
- meaningful work, meaningful people in my life
- finding artistic, alternative thinking resources, support, realities and conversation on these topics--this has happened more-so since starting my blog and working at the co-op, so thanks!
- no longer rely on credit cards for any means
- slowly paying past debt, continuing to learn about the modern debt system, saying no to consumer threats (advertising)
- quieting myself down, slowing down, sacrificing "good credit" for health and life balance
- built up my skills! better communicator, carpentry, salvaging, music, artistic, strong legs, bike skills, compassion, fixing things, learning, thrifty, resourceful, funny
- choosing to be my real self, despite what people may think...knowing my true self, loving and accepting that, so that others may get to know me and accept me
well, that's not too shabby! send me a line and maybe let me know some of the goals you have accomplished. there's probably a lot of things you have taken for granted which you have worked on and not acknowledged. i'm excited to add to this list in 2009 and beyond!
i almost forgot! book of the day...riding with strangers by elijah wald. this forty-something-year-old guy sticks his thumb out and takes a hike! a hitch-hike that is. seems he's been hitching for years and this is his third book. touches upon themes like "is hitch-hiking more dnagerous now?", "am i too old for this?" and "what does it all mean?" not exactly uber-scholastic, but a fun quick read. kind of gives me more hope about the kindness of strangers. i've been burning through books like crazy lately!
and remember to go to www.helenthayer.com. you won't be sorry!
luv spence
Monday, January 19, 2009
living in a garbage truck
my friend cory and i sitting in "jerry", my 88 ford.
check out these sweet pics i found today on the interweb...
http://www.loqu.com/living-in-a-garbage-truck/blogs/angelia-1290
i tried to find the actual blog but it didn't link to anything...i don't think this"angela" actually lives in the truck or this is the right page for the blog, but i couldn't find it for real! its worth just looking at the pics though. freakin' awesome, even if it is all ikea bullshit.
here's another blog that i was following for awhile...this guy actually lived in his truck for awhile and paid off some major debt...he kind of sounds like an extreme sports guy, but the blogs about the truck situation and the advice was interesting and helpful...
http://gotruckyourself.blogspot.com/
link to the article about his adventure and a good conversation about how CHOOSING to live in your truck in not homelessness!
http://www.queercents.com/2007/02/21/sleep-in-truck-student-pays-off-credit-card-debt/
also, here's a new cool blog i'm definetly following now!
http://truckhouse.blogspot.com/2007/12/im-living-in-truck-now.html
peace!
luv spence
Saturday, January 17, 2009
does this path have a heart?
good afternoon! as usual, i am pondering the question, "does this path have a heart"? i am reading an interesting book given to me by my lovely co-worker, called a path with heart, by jack kornfield. at first i was totally making fun of it--the "woo" in me is somewhat insecure--but i do believe we all possess love and good within each of us, so i'm sub-consciously trying to follow that buddhist mantra. also, for my life, i'm continually seeking out the "right" path. i think i have done a good job with my partner. i feel confident that we will find what we are looking for in each other, and this makes me smile. the problem i see is with my work sometimes...i start down the road, but immediately i see the obstacles and decide a different road might be more interesting. ive always done this--more and more i think it is a combination of wandering and the way i like to learn. i feel kind of done with sitting in school, listening to someone else tell me about their experience, i want to see for myself. i've had over 40 types of jobs and they all taught me something.
i think my current path does have a heart, but sometimes i feel like i lack direction. i like working at the food co-op, and i feel i have met many new friends, which in turn, has created many new opportunities for growth and adventure--this makes me happy. i see people doing amazing things and their hard work is inspiring. art, music, environmental work, bikes, farming, salvage, woodworking...everyone seems to balance their passions with their work and hobbies.
i remembered another great quote that always cheers me up..."being yourself is enough". i forgot when and where i heard this quote, it may have been from one of the books pema chodron has written...another great buddhist.
the point is, i'm being too hard on myself. i have a huge list of goals i am working towards that i don't give myself any credit for. it helps immensely to write these down, as they are not as concrete as, say, a house, car, stability, positive financial portfolio, etc. for the sake of others doubts about their goals and for affirmation, i have listed my goals for you...
currently at 15 push-ups and 15 sit-ups a day...
books of the day...
a path with heart, jack kornfield
the places that scare you, pema chodron
walk the gobi, helen thayer (whoa! a 1600 mile walk across the gobi desert in mongolia!)
luv spence
i think my current path does have a heart, but sometimes i feel like i lack direction. i like working at the food co-op, and i feel i have met many new friends, which in turn, has created many new opportunities for growth and adventure--this makes me happy. i see people doing amazing things and their hard work is inspiring. art, music, environmental work, bikes, farming, salvage, woodworking...everyone seems to balance their passions with their work and hobbies.
i remembered another great quote that always cheers me up..."being yourself is enough". i forgot when and where i heard this quote, it may have been from one of the books pema chodron has written...another great buddhist.
the point is, i'm being too hard on myself. i have a huge list of goals i am working towards that i don't give myself any credit for. it helps immensely to write these down, as they are not as concrete as, say, a house, car, stability, positive financial portfolio, etc. for the sake of others doubts about their goals and for affirmation, i have listed my goals for you...
- self-improvement to understand my emotional needs, communication and health (including eating better, continuing to be vegatarian)
- learning to accept and admire more folks (diverse) and look to find their kindness
- family, friend and love relationship building
- empathy
- openness--readiness to say yes
- honesty in my life ambitions, love and family
- save money for travel opportunities, vacation, expenses, helping others in need
- hike some major trails--a thru hike--pacific coast trail, oregon coast trail, american discovery trail
- own a house/land that is off the grid--solar elcetricity, composting, garden, rain water system of plumbing, composting toilet, earth/cellar storage--no refridgerator required
- work on improving gardening, drying and canning skills
- get my drum-set back and play more music!
- create an art/wood/music workshop for myself that is self-sustaining/off-the-grid
currently at 15 push-ups and 15 sit-ups a day...
books of the day...
a path with heart, jack kornfield
the places that scare you, pema chodron
walk the gobi, helen thayer (whoa! a 1600 mile walk across the gobi desert in mongolia!)
luv spence
Sunday, January 4, 2009
digital television and paying for the internet
sometimes i wish i could swear off television, phone and computer technologies altogether. in a sense, they have owned me because i have worked hard to pay the bills they create. my family lives 2,000 miles away and a cell phone is great for our long-distance conversations. the internet is great because i can connect and learn with millions of people very quickly. i don't watch much television, but i love movies and sports. if all of these things were taken away simultaneously, i probably wouldn't care as much as i think i would. it would be quieter in my little world. however, i can get some of the things for free and this has set up the dilemma...how much technology do we pay for? monetarily or otherwise...
fresh out of college i embarked on a career in graphic design. i was a whiz at the computer; mastering such programs as photoshop, illustrator, front page, flash and in-design. i was rewarded handsomely. i had a great apartment, nice car and ultimately, a pile of freakin' bills! i shelled out money for my home computer, so i could work on freelance projects, a home phone line and a cell phone, cable and internet. i went to my main job 5 days a week--be on the computer all day--then come home and get on the computer at night too. in between those times i talked on the phone, drove my car, ate fast food and watched television. just kidding--i'm being a little hard on myself--that wasn't all i did, but it sure felt like it sometimes. i then realized i wanted to do all those things less and less. i realized i hated it. so i started going to work less and less; consequently i drove less, was on the computer less and then--surprise! i had less money. i decided that it wasn't worth it. i wasn't even following what i had actually wanted to do--incorporate my art skills creating innovative designs for a sweet graphics company--i was working primarily for ford cars and trucks, editing safety posters. but in michigan, people work for car companies i guess, but i really felt disconnected. technically speaking, i was the most connected, but where was my love of the outdoors i had grown up with, where was my food coming from, how come i never rode my bike anymore but took naps all the time and felt exhausted? everyone was proud that i had such a good job right out of college. i was proud too, but only because i was supposed to be. i didn't feel happy. eventually, i gave it all up, moved in with my girlfriend and started working at the food co-op in ann arbor, michigan. things were just starting to pick up there with organics and the local farmers market movement. these things felt good and exciting. i couldn't afford any of the technologies i had before, but it was a window to a different way of being in the world. i was using skills i loved, being creative, crafty, handy, thrifty and learning more about my impact on my environment and the earth. i guess that's what made me want to work at people's in portland. lots of folks having the kinds of conversations i was into.
long story short. now i go back and forth from wanting the internet in my home and loathing it. like its a gateway to some office world i escaped from! its time suckage people! so silly of me to start a blog of all things, huh? well, i made a commitment to myself to start writing again everyday so here i am. problem is, now we don't get wireless internet in our apartment. we get it a block away thanks to the business down the street...paying for internet when i can go one block just doesn' t seem right. but i can't very well blog in my underwear in the middle of the street.
what to do about tv? we have an old one, so now we're supposed to go out and buy some digital converter box or rent one. this is ridiculous. i'm not doing that. paying for something i only watch when the blazer's play, or superbowl sunday? (i know, judge me, i watch sports...i love sports. i've admitted i have a problem.) forget that too. back to movies only--back and forth, forever and ever.
thinking more and more about just unplugging altogether. it'd probably do me some good to let it go. maybe i can cheat a little and blog on a computer at work. ha-ha. i just have to get a little quicker at editing and maybe put some pants on. or maybe i'll be seeing you all at the sandy hut bar, where they have wireless, sports on tv and pbr...the other habit i have yet to kick. ugh.
just watched harold and maude. still a good movie to strengthen the fact that youthful energy can be held onto until you're 80.
also this week i'm reading wandering home by bill mckibben. as he walks country roads from one town to the next in view of the adirondack mountains, he writes in a somewhat drawn-out-back-to-the-good-old-days tone. great commentary on the ways small town life in vermont and new york has changed. old farmers' wisdom colliding with rich new comers looking to romanticize farming life, making mistakes and ultimatley loving their choices after 30 years of struggle against the progress of history. local is the new organic.
luv spence
fresh out of college i embarked on a career in graphic design. i was a whiz at the computer; mastering such programs as photoshop, illustrator, front page, flash and in-design. i was rewarded handsomely. i had a great apartment, nice car and ultimately, a pile of freakin' bills! i shelled out money for my home computer, so i could work on freelance projects, a home phone line and a cell phone, cable and internet. i went to my main job 5 days a week--be on the computer all day--then come home and get on the computer at night too. in between those times i talked on the phone, drove my car, ate fast food and watched television. just kidding--i'm being a little hard on myself--that wasn't all i did, but it sure felt like it sometimes. i then realized i wanted to do all those things less and less. i realized i hated it. so i started going to work less and less; consequently i drove less, was on the computer less and then--surprise! i had less money. i decided that it wasn't worth it. i wasn't even following what i had actually wanted to do--incorporate my art skills creating innovative designs for a sweet graphics company--i was working primarily for ford cars and trucks, editing safety posters. but in michigan, people work for car companies i guess, but i really felt disconnected. technically speaking, i was the most connected, but where was my love of the outdoors i had grown up with, where was my food coming from, how come i never rode my bike anymore but took naps all the time and felt exhausted? everyone was proud that i had such a good job right out of college. i was proud too, but only because i was supposed to be. i didn't feel happy. eventually, i gave it all up, moved in with my girlfriend and started working at the food co-op in ann arbor, michigan. things were just starting to pick up there with organics and the local farmers market movement. these things felt good and exciting. i couldn't afford any of the technologies i had before, but it was a window to a different way of being in the world. i was using skills i loved, being creative, crafty, handy, thrifty and learning more about my impact on my environment and the earth. i guess that's what made me want to work at people's in portland. lots of folks having the kinds of conversations i was into.
long story short. now i go back and forth from wanting the internet in my home and loathing it. like its a gateway to some office world i escaped from! its time suckage people! so silly of me to start a blog of all things, huh? well, i made a commitment to myself to start writing again everyday so here i am. problem is, now we don't get wireless internet in our apartment. we get it a block away thanks to the business down the street...paying for internet when i can go one block just doesn' t seem right. but i can't very well blog in my underwear in the middle of the street.
what to do about tv? we have an old one, so now we're supposed to go out and buy some digital converter box or rent one. this is ridiculous. i'm not doing that. paying for something i only watch when the blazer's play, or superbowl sunday? (i know, judge me, i watch sports...i love sports. i've admitted i have a problem.) forget that too. back to movies only--back and forth, forever and ever.
thinking more and more about just unplugging altogether. it'd probably do me some good to let it go. maybe i can cheat a little and blog on a computer at work. ha-ha. i just have to get a little quicker at editing and maybe put some pants on. or maybe i'll be seeing you all at the sandy hut bar, where they have wireless, sports on tv and pbr...the other habit i have yet to kick. ugh.
just watched harold and maude. still a good movie to strengthen the fact that youthful energy can be held onto until you're 80.
also this week i'm reading wandering home by bill mckibben. as he walks country roads from one town to the next in view of the adirondack mountains, he writes in a somewhat drawn-out-back-to-the-good-old-days tone. great commentary on the ways small town life in vermont and new york has changed. old farmers' wisdom colliding with rich new comers looking to romanticize farming life, making mistakes and ultimatley loving their choices after 30 years of struggle against the progress of history. local is the new organic.
luv spence
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